The F Word

There is an art in forgiving and it is not easy at times. It takes time, which means you need to be patient. It takes desire, which means you need to put in effort despite how it might feel, and it’s not weak, it’s actually an act of strength, courage and maturity. 

When we choose not to forgive we hold on to dis-ease.

This contributes to tension in the body, stress, anxiety, depression and a serious lack of joy, which all affects our well being negatively. Our stubborn ego will try to keep us stuck and keep us from being vulnerable. 

But there is a lightness that comes from forgiving and releasing anger and I want you all to feel that lightness. So let’s go into the art of forgiving.

Forgiveness is a choice you make to give up anger or resentment even while acknowledging that the wrong doing happened. It’s choosing a higher path and moving through a process of letting go that’s really not about the other person but rather our own process and alignment with healing, our higher self and joy. It’s a way to offer empathy and compassion toward the person who hurt you. 

Forgiveness is not about excusing or accepting someone’s behavior. As stated in Psychology Today, “It’s a gift you give yourself to free yourself from anger, resentment and victimization.” With forgiveness comes new boundaries.  

How to begin the process of forgiveness;

1. Become aware of how the events, your reactions to them and the feelings have impacted you. How is it affecting your life today?

2. When you’re ready, begin to see the person who hurt you differently. What experiences have they had that made them who they are? Hurt people, hurt people. How is this person still wounded? This exercise can deepen your sympathy or empathy for them and the act of forgiving is compassion. 

3. As you empathize with the person, remember that no one is perfect. While this does not excuse behavior, it will help you soften into a forgiving state. 

4. Release expectations of an apology. You may or may not get one. If you release the expectation of having one, you won’t be disappointed. 

5. Decide to forgive. In my experience forgiveness happened after the above process. It just kind of occurred naturally after doing the innerwork. My actions and feelings toward the person shifted. If the person is no longer in your life, you can always write a letter as your action to represent forgiveness. 

Forgiveness takes time. Sometimes we think we’re there and then find maybe we have a little more to do. That’s okay. Just keep working on it, it will happen.